The Sputterly Utter

Morton moved to Massachusettes and pissed off the Puritans by erecting an 80-foot-tall maypole to celebrate and to christen his plantation "Merry Mount." He wrote an account of the incident, as did Nathaniel Hawthorne. The Puritans marooned him on an island with no provisions and burned down his house. He escaped, but he never really got the best of Standish.

If you want to irk a Puritan, try singing this:

The Songe

Drinke and be merry, merry, merry boyes,
Let all your delight be in Hymens joyes,
Iô to Hymen now the day is come,
About the merry Maypole take a Roome.

Make greene garlands, bring bottles out;
And fill sweet Nectar, freely about,
Uncover thy head, and feare no harm,
For here's good liquor to keepe it warme.

Then drinke and be merry, &c.
Iô to Hymen, &c.

Nectar is a thing assign'd,
By the Deities owne minde,
To cure the hart opprest with grief,
And of good liquors is the chief,

Then drinke, &c.
Iô to Hymen, &c.

Give to the Mellancolly man,
A cup or two of't now and than;
This physick' will soone revive his bloud,
And make him be of a merrier mood.

Then drinke, &c.
Iô to Hymen, &c.

Give to the Nymphe thats free from scorne,
No Irish stuff nor Scotch over worn,
Lasses in beaver coats come away,
Ye shall be welcome to us night and day.

Then drinke, &c.
Iô to Hymen, &c.